God fearing, Selfless, loving, hard-working, committed, honest, trustworthy, genuine, present, relentless, those are just a few of the characteristics that describe my husband.
My story is not a normal story. My story is “my story” and it is beautiful, painful, full of love, and precious. It is a story that the Refiner needed to have His hands on. It is a story where most would have given up, stood in anger, stood in fear, stood in the place of why. But I couldn’t, I wouldn’t stay in that place.
I needed to make a decision and that decision was not easy and it led to more difficult decisions, so I ask myself: “does that stop me”? No it does not. It positions me to a place where I can trust my Heavenly Father over and over again knowing fully well that He has me in the palm of His hand. He has me in the embrace of His arms. He has my children in a place of shelter and security.
After losing my late husband so tragically, I never thought marriage was in my cards again. I remember receiving the news of his passing and the first thing that came to my mind was who will be a father to my children. Such a deep thought. In less than a minute I thought about who would walk my daughter down the aisle, who would be there to teach the boys how to play sports, who would be there for graduation, who would be that male figure that EVERY child NEEDS. And I wept! I screamed. I feared. It was the hardest day I have ever had to endure. It seemed impossible to move on from this place. Months of counseling, prayer, weeping, and building myself up had to occur. And then He came along.
He came into my life and quickly changed my world. He came into my life and helped heal those doubts that I had. Please don’t get over spiritual over my last sentence. Was Jesus the one who I give credit for my healing journey…YES but there was something about this man that came like a FLASH and helped made me understand that loving again was possible. Raising a family together was possible. His love and acceptance for a woman with three children is worthy of LOVE again and it is possible.
I understand the importance and the value of a father figure in our lives. It is so vital. I love what my Pastor at RFA preached on today. It was a powerful sermon on Fathers truly being the glue that we need and how our society would like to remove that glue little by little. The dynamic of what a family is made up of and how God established this from the beginning of time is not something that man discovered a hundreds of years ago. No, no, no. this is something that God established here on this earth for a reason and he specifically included the father figure for a reason. A father’s role is vital. A father’s role is needed. Statistically, the lack of a father’s role increases: poverty, depression and crime. What is all this to say? We need to stop peeling off the glue that is so essential in holding together the family unit.
Everyday this man that was gifted to me makes a decision, a decision that many men take for granted and are too afraid to walk through. He makes a decision to be present. He makes a decision to embrace children that are not his biologically BUT he loves them as if they were his own. He makes a decision to sit at the table and hear their stories, he makes a decision to play football, baseball, soccer with them. He makes a decision to watch movies with them, He makes a decision to teach them how to ride bikes, he makes a decision to teach them how to be fine young men and a proper lady, he makes a decision to sooth them when they miss their biological father, he makes a decision to wake up when they have bad dreams and comfort them, he makes a decision to teach them how to cook, he makes a decision to sit down and teach them virtual school, he makes s decision to play out in the rain with them, he makes a decision to play video games with the boys and tea party with our daughter, he makes a decision to bring more structure into their lives. He makes a decision to love them beyond words! He makes a decision every day to be present, to be here to work through the unknowns of parenting.
I see the heart of God transplanted in my husband! I see God’s love for these three kids living and breathing in my husband. I see a man of great courage, and valor. When people looked at him funny for even accepting a woman with children, when other’s opinions came like piercing arrows, when people turned their back; I saw a man stand strong and tall and say I will still listen to the voice of the Father. I will still love, I will still take a chance, I will do the will of the Father! That alone takes guts. Hearing the noise and still following the Fathers heart takes GUTS!
My Story is not normal- and it’s not meant to be normal. My husband is not he biological father of our three children but that factor, I have learned, does not make him any less of a father to them. That does not erase the love, commitment, time, effort and willingness to be present. God heard my fear on April 2, 2017. He heard my heart every day after that. He knew my concerns as I knew the statistics very well. I am grateful for the amazing grandfathers, uncles and my covenant brothers that spoke life and were there for my children and I. I owe you the world. Your love and presence will forever be etched in my children. But God knew that it was not enough. God knew that we needed someone present each day and he went over and above what I could ever think of, what I could dream about and He gave me you Jason. I dedicate this piece to you, Happy Father’s Day Jay. You are the GLUE that holds our family together. Your role and your presence is evident in the smiles of our kids each day. Thank you for loving and accepting us just the way we are. Thank you for being patient as I know this is not easy for you. Thank you for being willing to learn along the way. Thank you for loving Jesus and exemplifying that love each and every day! You are amazing and we are honored and grateful for you in our lives.
Your Wife Cristina