Time has passed since I have picked up my laptop just to write. These last 6 months have been such a whirlwind and even more so the last 4 months. I planned a full wedding, a beautiful wedding in 4 months!!!
December 2018 I received confirmation after confirmation to transition yet again!!! But this time willingly.
Actually as I pondered on this, I actually received the word in September 2017!!!! And almost 2 years later that word came to pass. 2 years ago who would have thought that God will return to me 100 fold all that I lost!
I think about the promises in the Book of Isaiah.. ‘your word will never return void, it will come to pass to fulfill what I purposed it for’ and I am astonished all over again at His faithfulness. I knew in 2017 that there would be decisions that I would make that would change not only my life, but all the other lives surrounding me. That weight is heavy, that weight is precious. It’s not something to be toyed with. It’s something to honor!
During these transitions (yep I made the word plural since there were so many) the Lord kept me! He kept me whole. He kept me sane, He kept me filled with compassion, He kept me faithful, He kept me vigilant, He kept be Alert, He kept me HIS!
Through this came a time of learning and like a Lioness I had to be always on my toes to protect my territory and my cubs! God showed me one amazing word amongst many… Honor! And he showed me what it looked liked and not just the receiving part but the giving part as well!
I needed to understand that if I can’t honor what he placed in my hands how can I receive honor! How can I reap the blessings of honor?
It was the best lesson that I learned and the on time lesson in this season of life. I know God will continue to show me life lessons on honor through the many lives that I will encounter but these last 6 months have been so meaningful to me and my family.
God gave me the opportunity to get married again! A pure honor! Wow a dream and a hope that I never thought I would have the privilege to do again… love again… be loved again. Something that may seem so minuscule, and yet carries so much weight for me! (Stay tuned for my Wedding blog piece. Got my Smile Back).
The day he proposed was one of the best days of my life and in that, the excitement to plan a wedding and plan a future with him… even more astounding! I didn’t realize though the cookie cutter life that I didn’t have would still cause me to fight even harder. Transition was not over. A new one was brewing like a strong pot of coffee early on the morning.
The one thing I know.. the devil can’t stand what I carry, so what he will do to attack me or my family will be huge! He will keep trying to ruin relationships around me, and remove love that God worked so hard to establish on earth though relationships. He can’t stand me in peace, he can’t stand me happy or should I say Joyful!
But I know who my God is! He is My Defender!!! Never fails me, never gives up and is always there! I know what He promised me, and I was getting ready to see Jesus be my defender yet again!
The questions and assumptions that people make during a scenario like mine, some would say “how cold hearted can people be to you” “how dare they”.
But you know I finally said, if they only knew our heart, if they only knew the heart of God, if they only knew the plans of God, if they only knew I am the daughter of a King and He defends his daughter. If only they knew that life isn’t a cookie cutter scenario, it comes in all different shapes and has different and beautiful stories. At first my human emotion kicked in. I was upset, dishonored, hurt, bewildered, even defensive. I was ready to defend. Ready to plead my case. I even asked myself:
Was it all in vain?
Did I not sacrifice enough?
Was it not good enough?
Do I keep running into a burning building? Or allowing my family to do so???
Those are all normal emotions and questions.
But I had to go into my secret place and really seek his Face and say… you are My Defender
And that’s the key here. Prayer and such intimacy with Jesus. I share this with you because I believe there will come a time in your life where you will have to make a decision.. do you let Him fight for you or do you try and fight with your own tools and frustration? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t idly sit by and play the victim card. I know how to fight when it calls for it and stand my ground but I also know that the defenders of all defenders can do it better than I can ever do it!!! Praise God!
So when you attempt to judge someone else’s transition- take a step back… or when you don’t understand and jump to an assumption, pray before you speak or act. Ask Jesus!
Take refuge in this: once you have come to the end of that transition, you will look back smile and know.. I thrived though it. Not survived…
I surely thrived through this and the BEST is yet to come!